When I looked up this game and saw that I could become a giant monster that crushes puny humans and eats other monsters, I was super pumped! It looked like an awesome mash up of the arcade version of Primal Rage mixed with Rampage, but I quickly learned there was much more to this game than just Krush, Kill n Destroy.

The primary obstacles against you while playing as the monster:

Time: Here you are, trying to evolve as much as possible, and the clock starts running out. The computer knows you need to either kill the humans or destroy the reactor, so the humans stop following you and meet you back at their place for a few laughs and electrical blasts to the face.

Humans: There may not be many of them (typically four) but they will light you up like the 4th of July. One minute you’re like “Rooooar!” Then the humans are like “There he is! Drop that giant blue cage shield of defeat and self loathing! ” You’re like “Whaa?!” Then the humans are like “BZZZZZZT” and you’re like “NOOOO” as your monster gets pummeled and starts yelling “Why did you lead me here? I thought we were friends!!!” The human’s arsenal consists of lightning guns, tranquilizer guns, and guns that can anchor you, slowing you down, so that you can take lightning blasts to the face.

Other Monsters: True, they can be used strategically, and the humans are attacking other monsters nonstop so you don’t kill, eat and use them to evolve… but unless you’re maxed out at evolving, most other monsters like to take a snap at you as you pass by. It’s hard out there for a giant flesh eating monster!

Use your smell-o-vision like radar to let you know if the humans or other monsters are close by, to see where you’ve been and how you can confuse those following you and other potential dangers. Man, if I had this bad boy at work, I’d be using this ability ALL the time to avoid my 20 different bosses. Especially when they come up and are like “Jenny from procurement says you’ve been undoing your pants at your cubicle again.” Then I yell, “Oh yea? Well Jenny is a damn liar, and I’m pretty sure she’s been taking food out of the can donation box,” as I zip my pants back up. It’s hard to control this beast and honestly, if you aren’t playing very often, prepare to feel like you’ve been de-pantsed in front of that really hot girl in middle school all over again.

If you don’t play often enough, you’ll forget which button to push to sneak (tap B for Xbox One), only hastening your certain doom by the puny humans. As a casual gamer, I’ve found it difficult not to go back to the tutorial, which is nice that it’s offered, but that leads me to another flaw of this game, load time. Seriously, it takes forever to load and get anywhere and after it finally does load, I die super fast and then it loads a stats page, showing how terrible I just did. Shortly thereafter, I can choose to subject myself to another round of punishment and a long time-out prior to the engagement to think about what I did, which only leads to further frustration and makes me avoid even taking the tutorial. By the time it loads, I get through it, load my stats and then load up another game, it’s time to go to bed.

The graphics overall are ok. One minute you’re munching on another monster, eating big to get big, and then suddenly it’s just bones. Do I want to see my monster disembowel its prey and then eat the intestines like spaghetti? Not particularly, but come on, there should be some sort of progression besides animal on its side, then animal bones on the ground.

The sound effects are good enough, but not exceptionally memorable. The two things that stand out are the beast roaring at the beginning and the humans yelling, “It’s over there,” as they find me and prepare to ruin my day.

Overall, controlling the monster isn’t easy, especially in the heat of battle. The humans will be flying around with jetpacks as they shoot you in the face. Don’t worry, you can always get them back by throwing a really big rock at them. What is this? “Almost Got ‘Im” and I’m Killer Croc?”

One perk is that as you go you can upgrade to new monsters like Cthulhu. When I finally landed this bad boy, I knew my life would change forever, and boy did it – especially when I was being chased by humans in a cave system and accidentally hit the button to fly. I managed to get stuck on the roof of the cave and was shot to shit by the humans. I mean, I probably hurt them pretty bad from having to shoot straight up the whole time… like major neck and arm cramps. And the tutorial doesn’t teach you how to control this new beast. You’re just on your own to sink (as I so frequently do) or swim, like one of those other monsters that will also try to kill you.

Am I pumped about this game? No. Did I pay $59 for it when it first came out? Yes. How does it make me feel that it jumped down to $19? Probably a lot like my poor monster when he realizes that I led him to his doom again.There’s also the human side of the game where you can just hunt down the monster instead of being the monster. Who knows, maybe if I did this I’d be more successful, but I can never do it. I’d rather die as the monster every time than win as those crappy humans.

If you have more game time on your hands, then for $20, this game has potential to be fun and you can probably get your money’s worth. But if you’re the casual gamer, the only Primal Rage you’ll see as you Evolve, is if you catch your reflection in the TV as you Rampage around your living room after you die again.